Sacrifice Or Selfishness?

When we talked about John’s motives earlier the consensus was that his actions sometimes looked selfish, but in our discussion about Stemp last week we touched on how sacrifice for the greater good can sometimes look like selfishness to outside observers.

John has given up a lot in the name of duty:  Thirty years without a stable home, a family, a fulfilling relationship, or personal safety.  With that in mind, does it change your perception of his attempts to hold onto a relationship with Aydan?

9 thoughts on “Sacrifice Or Selfishness?

  1. I have to say as much as I loved John at the start and wanted him to be with Aydan, I have to admit that now I think it wouldn’t be a great idea for these two to end up together. I think it’s just a wrong fit.

    He wants it his way and doesn’t seem to understand that she has needs that are different to his. He wants her to adapt to his needs but seems to ignore hers.
    Not wanting to go over old ground again just wanted you to see where I’m coming from here.

    I think John can be seen as selfless from the outside because of all he gave up. And at the same time he can also been seen as selfish as he wants Aydan but can’t accept that she has needs although he tries to seem like he does try to bend to suite her needs but I don’t think he feels that he should have to change and adapt as he gave so much up for himself over the years

    Hope that makes sense to everyone

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  2. No. My feelings that John is selfish is the same as before. He IS selfish.
    In my eyes it is not the same as with Stemp. What Stemp does is for the good of the country, to me that is not selfishness. What John is doing with Aydan is for his own need. Yes, John has given a lot for his country but that does not give him the right to try and change/force Aydan to his will.
    I gave up family and more for my country so now I can demand and expect what I want no matter what others want…that is selfishness…and that is how John has acted.

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  3. Is John the best at what he does? Yep. Has he paid the price for his service to his country? Yep. Is the the right guy for Aydan? Nope.

    Even he retired today and ‘decompressed’ for long enough to get past the worst of his scars, he’s still not the right full-time guy for Aydan. Even Tom is a better match for her that way than John is.

    But the tension is still fun to read. 🙂

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  4. I’ve never really seen John as selfish, more self-sacrificing. I guess I view him in the same light as I do any military personnel. They give up a part of themselves for the greater good. Be it in his military service or his service to his country as a spy, he does what he does to keep his country and it’s citizens safe.
    Call me a romantic fool, but I would LOVE LOVE LOVE for Aydan and John to figure themselves out and be together. The fact that John now has a son makes it easier for Aydan, as she won’t have to have a child to fill that desire for John, and makes it easier for John because you wouldn’t have to sacrifice having a child to be with Aydan.
    As much as I love Arnie, I don’t feel he is “right” for Aydan in the long run because she isn’t challenged to change and grow. To face her “demons” and find out what she truly wants out of life. Who knows, maybe after she faces her demons she will find she still doesn’t want a committed relationship, but until she does face them, she will never know.
    We’ve had glimpses of Aydan and John comfortable together, with an easy camaraderie. (Sitting on the back porch at Spider & Linda’s party) I’d like to see how that grows, because I still believe that Aydan and John are meant to be together!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  5. I don’t get the feeling that John is really selfish. I think he has three things happening to him that make him seem that way.

    First, he has always, from childhood, been big, strong and smart. He was always the leader, always attractive, the kind of guy who would “get supermodels crawlin’ all over them an’ beggin’ for it” to quote Hellhound. He goes into the army and advances as far as he chooses, and we understand that was his choice. He could have gone further had he wanted to. He always succeeds. He has rarely had to question himself or his own opinions. He is just not used to the idea that he might be wrong about something. In many ways he doesn’t expect others to behave or think in ways other than he thinks they will. He’s used to being right. It is a big surprise to him when he is not. I have known people like that.

    Second, he is rapidly approaching 50. A difficult milestone for many, life is passing him by. He feels his goal of wife and children slipping away and he more or less panics. The situation is not helped when he has two operations in a row that he said “shook him, more than any mission he had had before.’ Both involved surrogates for the family he imagined. He perhaps doesn’t think about where he is emotionally as analytically as he used to when he was younger.

    Third, Aden comes along. She’s smart, brave and attractive and she knows and understands the demands of his profession. He could be himself more than he could with a civilian. He fantasizes the kind of woman he wants her to be and then has trouble recognizing who she really is.

    So, I don’t think he is selfish by intention. I think he is just a product of the lifetime of feedback he got from the rest of the world.

    Liked by 1 person

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