Is John Selfish Or Supportive?

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Is John’s insistence on pursuing Aydan an expression of support and caring and a positive influence to motivate her to resolve her intimacy issues, or is it a selfish desire to bend her to his will with no thought of what’s ultimately best for her?  Or both?  How do his alpha-male tendencies affect Aydan’s emotional progress?

8 thoughts on “Is John Selfish Or Supportive?

  1. Um I’d say he’s selfish, I didn’t think so the first time I read the books, but on a second read I’d say he is.
    He only seems to want what he wants not what is best for others

    On the plane after killing his wife he beds Aydan without a thought of what is best for her, he wanted sex and took what he wanted.

    Maybe it’s where I am in my life but that’s what I pick up

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  2. John, along with all the others, has come pretty far since Book 1. Or, maybe he’s still the same guy, but my perception has changed. Or both.

    Boy, was that ever incisive or what? 🙂

    At the beginning, it was all business, “Just the facts, ma’am,” as a pro cop/investigator/agent. Then we saw the first glimpses of interest from him (while Aydan was trying to play it cool on the outside and sexting him with her brain on the inside; great, that!). Then it head-banging sex with the neighbors thinking a mountain lion is eating a herd of cattle alive. Then it’s back to keeping a low profile and denial.

    And then on the second page… 🙂

    Of late, John’s signals are as thoroughly mixed as ever, but in a slightly different brew. He’s been both caring to the point of coddling and insensitive to the point of, “GET A CLUE, JERK!”

    And again, Arnie’s the one who sees through their baggage, issues, and crap and straightens them out. Then again, with the emotion-twisting trama-overload they all go through regularly, I can overlook quite a bit of baggage, issues, and crap.

    Those who insist that one can ‘just get over it’ clearly haven’t ever had to.

    The way I see it, if they all got their early retirement package today along with a sack full of commendations and the notification that they’d all three hit the Power Ball worth a couple of zillion apiece, it’d still take years to get it all sorted out.

    But then they could all move to Texas, and that’d be a nice first step. 🙂

    Since that ain’t happenin’ anytime soon (Gad! That’s not a plot spoiler, is it?), I’ll just have to stay in it for the long haul and see what happens. Not that I wouldn’t anyway, of course.

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  3. No one is just one thing or the other and as banging as John is, he is also quite capable of exploiting women for his own needs, whether for getting the job done or whatever. He wants his son, so I can totally see him getting back with his wife to get him, whether he likes her or not. Can’t see Aydan being happy raising his child either, so this would appear to be a no-go.

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    1. Yep, it’s gonna be interesting to see how John’s like cranks around with the ex and the kid. And I’m still even more curious about Dr. Chow and Co. in the back room now. Clearly, skullduggery is afoot. And if not, there certainly should be. 🙂

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  4. I think Kane WANTS to be supportive but is having a lot of trouble actually being all he could be. In many ways he is supportive. He rushes to Aydan’s side to protect her from harm. He believes her to be an unusually competent agent. He loves to cook for her, and I am sure he truly wants her to be happy. He has expressed concern that she is not making long-term plans for her life. I really appreciate that in all his near perfection, he may actually be more f’d up than Hellhound.

    Where Aydan is concerned, although there is strong attraction on both sides, it is far from enough. He wants a wife and child and she doesn’t want to be a wife or mother. Since both are reasonable desires for each of them, their personal desires make them totally incompatible and inappropriate for a real relationship in the long term.

    More worrisome is that Aydan’s default mode with John is to try to give him what he needs while denying herself what she needs and then feeling trapped and claustrophobic. I’ve also been in that mode far too often.

    The fact that John is not noticing or understanding Aydan’s deepest needs is coming off as selfishness. Is he clueless because it is by all appearances getting him what he wants? Is he more typical of the male gender? If a guy doesn’t bother to notice such things is it because of a deep selfishness? Are women socialized to deny themselves for the needs of others, or is it just part of being female and potentially becoming a mother who will need to give up her needs repeatedly for the sake of her children? Do all women have a need to martyr themselves for love and family? I certainly don’t, but it was what was modeled for me by my mother. Does Arnie actually represent the fantasy of the emotionally astute, loving, and nurturing partner? Is he unavailable because any fantasy is unavailable?

    I actually distrust such stereotypes and my hopeful nature wishes that everyone finds a partner who is nurturing, insightful, and caring. Sorry, I have no answers here. I await more truths to come in book 12.

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  5. I’m writing John’s character, and I still don’t know for sure. The line between a tough-love intervention and intrusive meddling can only be drawn by the recipient, and that line may waver all over the place depending on what else is going on. Add to that the fact that John himself has been going through an emotional wringer, and it’s even harder to define. If he was pushing Aydan to resolve her issues generally, without any pressure to resolve them with him, then it would be an easier interpretation.

    I guess time will tell for me, too – that’s what I love about writing. I just put everybody into a situation and sit back to see what they’ll do!

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  6. I believe John is truly pursuing Aydan as an expression of support, caring and a positive influence. It’s just that his knowledge base is very different than hers. His childhood and life were so different than hers.

    I think of when my husband and I first met, we both come from a family with 5 kids. I thought to myself, oh good – he’ll understand the chaos and loud noise level. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. He was the 5th of 5, and born 11 years after the 4th. He basically was an only child by the time he was 8. All his siblings moved out of the house, and he really isn’t close with any of them.
    I, on the other had, was the 4th of 5, and all of us were born within a 9 year time frame. We were close, loud, and in each others space. There was never a quite moment to be had. I would, and still will, give everything I have to my siblings in a heart beat, and I’d be there in an instant if they need me.
    Jeff (the hubby) really doesn’t care to even know what’s happening in his siblings lives, and doesn’t even send them a Christmas Card. It was really hard to wrap my head around it, took several years until I finally just “let it be.”

    So…..I think that’s where John and Aydan are. I think he believes that she couldn’t really possibly want to not marry someone she loves, how can anyone think like that. So, he needs some time to get to the point where he can “let it be”, and then he and Aydan can start to enjoy the “them” that they can be.
    The hardest part is Johns “alpha-male” and its military training! LOL How in the world will he ever get it through that strict line of defense????

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